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This class helped me learn alot about conflict. My views on conflict were quite narrow and I was the type of person who saw conflict as always being negative. Throughout this semester, I have learned that conflict is a necessary part of our daily lives. it is how we manage conflict that leads to it either being negative or positive. I feel that I have better conflict management skills after taking this class. I can actually stop, think and listen now rather than just yelling or getting mad. The most important skill I have gained this semester is being able to turn a conflict into a positive situation. Arguments and confrontation will happen whether we like it or not, but now I am able to turn those bad situations into positive ones. Overall, I feel that I have a better view on conflict and am better able to make the best out of the situations I face.

Forgiving

Someone who has been hard for me to forgive in the last few years used to be my best friend in high school. He was the only guy friend I really had that I trusted and we were great friends. We ended up going to SJSU together and everything changed. What I really cannot forgive is how he became a person who pretended as if we were never really good friends. It is hard for me to forgive because the relationship we had was not that easy to break, but he just became a different person and acted as if I wasn’t his best friend. We barely talk now. I think the last time we spoke was 1 year ago. He made no effort to rebuild our friendship, and when we did talk I told him we would never be friends like we used to be again. I think we both just mutually gave up and I do not consider him a good friend anymore. It is difficult to forgive him because the way he handled the situation. Even if I do forgive, things still won’t be the same.

Social Networking

I have never really been the type of person to post personal feelings or problems on Facebook. I think this is good because it helps present myself in a more positive way online rather than constantly posting emotions. I don’t really think about impressions people will get from me just because I rarely use Facebook. But, the impression they most likely get is that I am a happy and random person. There have been a few times I wish people had not posted certain things on my profile because it makes me look as if I am affiliated with whatever they posted. People usually tag their friends in advertisement pictures or spam and I do not like those. This relates to conflict and communication because you have to know how to handle those conflicts, in this case those posts you don’t like, and know how to manage it accordingly.

Unbalanced Relationships

Relationships require both people to participate equally. This includes that both should have the same amount of power so that one is not belittled by the other. Being in an unbalanced power relationship can lead to unhappiness, discomfort, low self esteem, and can even result in violence. Being in this type of relationship is neither healthy nor fun. If you feel that someone is controlling you than it is a sign that they have power over you. On the other hand, when you have power over someone, it may make you feel good at first, but you will never make that person truly happy. Having power can be great but it can also be destructive. In many instances, people take their authority over board and abuse their power. An example of this would be at the work place. It is an employee’s duty to do their job but it is also a boss’s duty to not belittle their workers. In many cases, employees will be scared of their boss and will never stand up for themselves because they need the job. A boss should know their power limits and have boundaries so that the work place will not become an uncomfortable environment with unbalanced power relationships.

Competition and Cooperation

A concept I enjoyed from this chapter was competition VS cooperation. Competition is something we are used to because many events consist of it such as sports, beauty, fashion, intelligence and much more. We are constantly competing with others over something and some of that competition is fun but most of it can turn ugly. On the other hand, we do not usually see cooperation because it is the idea of helping each other instead of going head to head.

Competition is huge in the media because we always cheer for our sports team to beat the other. This is something the whole world does so not that big of a deal. It is when the competition gets out of hand and people do not know how to handle it, that it gets dangerous.

Cooperation should be made more public because instead of always trying to be the best or the first, we can help each other and achieve whatever the goal is.

As for myself, I usually find myself in football competitions. I am a Niner Faithful so I will always cheer for my team, but at times the competition with friends who root for other teams can become uneasy. I think that we should all respect each other’s teams and of course we will root for our team, but we should cooperate not to let it get out of hand and make a simple fun sports game turn into an ugly fight and even the end of a friendship.

Trust Can Make or Break Relationships

Having a healthy and good relationship most certainly requires trust. This can be in any type of relationship whether it is friends, family or significant others.

I have lost trust in many people throughout my life and most of those people I no longer speak to. There are different levels of trust and each person has their own limits as to what they can and cannot handle. The person I want to talk about for this post is my dad. My dad is wonderful and has always been there for me, but I do not have that close father-daughter relationship with him. We speak and all, but it is not the way it used to be and I do not think it will ever be like that again.

As I grew up and started understanding issues of trust and relationships, I realized my dad would always lie to me and my mom. Not about cheating on her, but about the smallest things that are just ridiculous to me. He has always had issues with saving money and that is where he broke the trust I had with him. He just cannot keep his word and that really ended our close relationship. The trust I had in him will never be restored because every time I give him a chance and try to trust him, he just messes up again. Of course we will always be close, but not the way we used to because of those trust issues that will always linger in my mind. This makes me feel bad because I wish I had that “daddy’s little girl” relationship with my dad, but I realized and came to terms that it will not happen.

Trust is a big issue in all relationships. Once it is lost, it is difficult for both sides to continue having that good relationship.

"I" rather than "you"

A concept that really stood out to me in this chapter was the personalized communication language where you use “I” statements rather than “you”. I never really took time to realize how much of a difference using I instead of you can make. Using you statements “emphasizes what we think is wrong with the other instead of identifying our feelings” (76). When we identify our feelings rather than pointing out the other persons flaws, we can better communicate with them.

I think that if I start expressing what I feel, instead of pointing out the bad things other people do, I will not have as much bad conflict; rather I will have good constructive conflict where we express our feelings and don’t point the finger at each other. This is something I will try to work better on and I will see what difference it makes in my communication with others.